Saturday, July 28, 2018

Garden

(Topic: Garden)

Hi Friends!

Not a long post this week. Just a little update about my garden.

After a slow start and late planting due to cold, we flipped right over into 90s and dry. Luckily we've been getting some rain, but it's sporadic.

Rainbow! These little guys are the tomatoes that volunteer planted from last year's burst tomatoes.

The volunteer tomatoes, and otherwise mostly empty square: I think 2 or 3 tiny leaves of spinach are poking up, and 1 or 2 ferny carrot sprouts. I may have to replant those.

Bed 2, tomatoes. Lots of green ones, so it looks like we'll have a good crop.

Beds 3 and 4. Peas and beans look like they'll start producing soon. Cucumbers and a strawberry plant in the last bed. While these cucumber plants aren't more than 8 or 10 inches tall, there's a hardy volunteer growing out of my compost heap behind the garage... we'll see what it is when it fruits!


Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

In A Different Light

(Topic: flowers, mental health, light)



Dear Friends,

Lately I have been admiring the lily.

Not Plato's Lily, not some ideal idea of a lily... I've been admiring the beautiful double lilies that grow in the garden of the house I rent. Beautiful salmon-orange with red and a touch of gold, with curling edges and the "double" multiple layers of petals. The ones that seem to spring forth fresh every day, yet provide a constant show of exuberance couched in a verdant bed of leaves.

Those lilies.

~

Several days ago I posted a message on Facebook that I was having a tougher day - not bad, but that I would really appreciate something cute or happy to look at or think about. Amongst the many cheerful, positive, and uplifting statements was a suggestion to go outside and spend some time with flowers.

At the time, I was involved in an activity I couldn't leave, but that evening I did go out and pick this lovely bouquet from our garden:

5 stems, each with one bloom. I initially snipped out the center parts to try to eliminate pollen in the house, but then realized that some of the center petals are actually stamen and fascinatingly had little curls of pollen at their tips, so each of the blooms had some minor trimming before being arranged in the vase.

It really did help me feel somewhat better for a bit, and I even set the table nicely and made a salad!


But then those lily flowers didn't last. By the next day, they'd closed up and shriveled, and I was very disappointed. But there were other buds on those stalks. I had no idea if they'd open, so I had a strange flower arrangement for a few days.





I took these three pictures, from the same perspective. Take a minute to look at them...

The only difference between left and right is lighting and focus, and the middle one has a filter that plays with tinting.

But isn't it funny, how the exact same lily stems look so different? On the left, they are just silhouettes, with no potential. You can maybe guess what the picture shows, from the shape, but it could be something dry and done, like seed pods. In the right picture, when the lighting is changed to focus on the lilies themselves, the potential is suddenly there. You can see the buds, the slight orange tint, the hint of possibility. And all three show a beauty, I think, of form. The middle one makes me think of upward motion, and makes me think of Heaven, just a bit.

~

I don't know what I'm trying to say with this. That things have different sides, that you can see things in different lights? Maybe. You could certainly apply that metaphor to my life in a thousand obvious and less obvious ways. Maybe I'm just saying thanks, for helping me take a moment to see, and to notice.


~


And they did bloom again.



Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Beautiful Chapel Decorations

(Topic: Religious symbols, fabric crafting, design)


Dear Friends,

Remember a few months ago, I did a series of posts about a set of three banners, including a follow-up post? In the follow-up, I had pictures of some banners that inspired me. I don't remember if I said, but they were in the Valparaiso University Chapel. They have a stunning space, and choose their vestments and decorations to match and support the space.

I recently had the chance to go there again, and they had some amazing decorations up on their staggered brick walls, which you can see the long view of, above in the top picture of this post. They were borrowed from another church, I was told, and made of felt - and, I believe, simply stuck to the wall like a feltboard!

Each decoration was a huge circle - maybe 20 feet across? That's totally a guess based on looking up at them. And each had different types of religious symbology, in some cases similar to the symbology I used in the banners I made, but fascinatingly these were all symetrically mandala-like. I took pictures of several, because their use of color and design was amazing. Please enjoy!

This was in a Lutheran chapel, and the symbol in the center here is the Luther Rose. This one has a Lutheran theme.

Easter theme.

Again, an Easter theme.

A Pentecost theme, which was when I was there.
See what I mean about a lovely use of form and color? I found them to be absolutely stunning.


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Dear Charlie's Mama, Are You OK?

(Topic: Emotions, Support networks for grief)


Hi Friends!

This is a FAQ!!! I have enough readers now that I've started getting occasional questions, and this post will be structured based on that. Thanks for all your feedback and support!


You seem sad. Are you OK?
 
Thank you for your concern! Yes, I'm generally ok. I have hobbies, a therapist, a great family, and fabulous friends. Having something to do and people who care means that even if I have a sad moment, I can get through it to a neutral moment or a happy moment too.

While I may seem to focus a lot on sad topics, that is because of the way I've structured this blog: While Saturday posts are generally about fiber arts and emotion-neutral, Wednesday posts tend to focus on grief related issues. That does not mean, though, that I experience these grief issues every day, or constantly, or am always down. But having you check in on me is great, thank you - if I were really struggling, I might not think of reaching out for help, or I might not emotionally be able to.

Sharing things like hotline numbers is important, and I'm sharing one for infant loss and grief support below. But sometimes it can be daunting to call a stranger. If there is a friend you haven't heard from in a while, reaching out to them and just checking in can sometimes be a huge help. It can be very hard to admit you need help, and sometimes even harder to ask for it.

For grief and loss support. Image from First Candle's Facebook page.


Is every picture on your blog something you made or photographed?

In short, yes. Unless I give credit to someone else, all photos are taken by me, all artwork is by me, and all knitted and sewn items are mine. I'm very careful to give credit when I use an image from online that does not belong to me, though I sometimes forget to give my family credit if some of the snapshots of Pookie and such are by them! It's not intentional, though: I try to always give proper credit or citations if I use anything from anyone else. The only exception is that you may notice me anonymize things for people's privacy, and that is still with their knowledge if at all possible.

If you see a drawing I made, or a photo of something I handcrafted, and want to know more about the project, or the inspirations or materials, just ask in the comments below that post!!! I'd love to answer.


Where do I find your blog?

If you are reading this, you've found me! If you'd like to share, though, here are the places that Being Charlie's Mama can be found:


So far I haven't gotten many more questions that aren't covered by these, so please comment below if you have more questions!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Christmas Tree Skirt

(Topic: Sewing, holidays)


Hi Friends!

This post is later than I'd hoped... not only is this about a Christmas item that took me till early June to finish, I also had to wait to post until I gave the present to its new owner! I started this in December of 2017, for a friend who noticed that her current tree skirt was actually too small in diameter compared to the size of their tree. Since their tree is an artificial tree rather than fresh, this is an ongoing problem rather than a transient one! Well, knowing my friend and that she likes to knit but NOT sew, I figured I could fix the problem!

First I had to figure out the math (and sneakily get some measurements of their current tree skirt from her hubby!). Here are some of my diagrams and figuring:


Once I knew the circle size and how I wanted to divide it, I made a wedge pattern and added seam allowances (though I probably shouldn't have... more on that later).


I then made notes, so I can re-use the pattern without having to re-figure everything:


And in theory, those measurements listed on the pattern piece should make it fit my friend's tree really well this year! Cross your fingers...

Then I started picking out Christmas fabrics. I actually didn't purchase any: I had some from another friend who has previously made a tree skirt, and some I already had it my fabric stash. I cut out 16 shapes, to make two 8-panel circles: by putting some on top and some on the bottom, I could get a nice finished effect, and have the tree skirt be reversible.

Figuring out which ones should be next to each other!

Nearly there... I seem to have a front and back picked out, and mostly in order.

After I figured out what was going where, it was a matter of making the batting layer, quilting (sort of), and then attaching the pieces together; finishing edges and how to connect the pieces was an aspect I hadn't thought out yet at this point.

I used a slightly heavier fabric that I think is mostly wool as the batting.

Here you can see the batting poking out... I didn't think about the fact that, no matter which way I cut the pieces, at least one or both of the long edges was probably going to be on the bias (diagonal) of the fabric, and thus prone to stretching.

Slowly getting each piece sewn together: top, batting, and bottom, sewn around the edges and down the center. That center seam is the only "quilt" aspect, but will keep the batting/wool layer from shifting too much, especially if this eventually gets washed.

Whew! Each top/middle/bottom is now one piece. I'm keeping them in the same order on the floor and only working on one at a time, to keep the order the same and not lose my place.
At this point I had to figure out how to finish and connect the pieces. Remember I have about a half inch on every side as seam/hem allowance, but I'm not doing hems! My pieces actually ended up slightly too large because of this. Because of the bulk of the layers, though, I didn't really want to try to hem. So I tried a binding, which at first didn't work because I used too narrow of a bias strip! But then I bought a 3-fold 3/4" bias edging, which worked really well. And instead of hemming and then somehow connecting the pieces, I bias-edged, then laid one piece's edge over the other, and sewed down the bias strip from the outside to the center of the circle. Because of the long edges being sometimes on the bias of the fabric too, this meant that some edges didn't align perfectly, but I trimmed them before I put edging on the center hole and outside edge. Done!

Done, viewed from the red/green side. Notice slight buckling on the far side, center hole: minor enough it will not affect use, but is likely an artifact of the long sides being bias cut, so there was some stretching and warping I didn't account for.

Finished version, more "winter" themed side.

Close up of the closure. This is snap tape, so all I had to do was sew the tape on, rather than each snap individually. It's nearly invisible once closed, though it will work fine as a tree skirt if left unsnapped or if only a few are closed.
I'm really happy with how it came out!!! It took me 6 months to do all the pieces, though admittedly I was not working on it every day. Not sure I'll do another anytime soon, but this was fun!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Road Trip With Pookie

(Topic: Travel, history)


Dear Friends,

I recently had the fortune to go on a road trip with hubby, one of my sisters, and her dog. We made a few stops in either direction - the final destination being a family event. Here are a few of the neat things we discovered in either direction:

Much of northwestern Ohio is a big wind farm.
Much of our path lay through a wind farm. On the way out we stayed on bigger roads, and on the way back we went on tiny roads and could see things better. A wind farm does not mean that all the land is owned by the wind company - in fact, most of the land isn't. The wind company owns maybe a headquarters or a staging area to keep their equipment, but all the turbines are on leased land, often in the middle of agricultural lands. In northwest Ohio that's mostly plant-based agriculture, though wind and animal farming is supposedly a better fit, since plowing around a turbine pad is a pain, but cows don't care if they are grazing around one!
Turbines are bigger and louder than you may think, and not everyone likes living near the big ones. However, smaller ones are quieter, and then there are also other styles to consider if you are thinking about adding wind energy to your home.



We also got to go to a dune area on Lake Michigan, and also to see some model homes that were left from a world's fair.
Unfortunately I was having leg and foot issues for this whole trip, so the camping and hiking didn't go so well, but I still enjoyed being along the lake, and seeing some concept homes from an expo - the Chicago World's Fair. These concept houses are currently being privately restored, and maybe lived in? but they have great explanatory signs.

On the way back, we also passed through Fort Wayne, Indiana. We tend to enjoy historical sites and museums, so we were looking for something like that to stop at, but not for too long because we were outrunning a massive storm cloud at that point!

We discovered, perhaps unsurprisingly, that Fort Wayne was founded around a fort - called Wayne! The original forts - like many - was destroyed and rebuilt a few times, and then ultimately not kept as a fort, and as with many, did not survive. However, (again, not uncommon), it has been reconstructed according to old records, so the reproduction fort is available to visitors.

In the case of Fort Wayne, the fort is in a public park across from a water treatment plant built in the 1930s, which had a fascinating edifice, too. There was a little info area about water treatment and clean water, where we got this cute photo op!

I think it's water bubbles...

That's the fort across the street behind him.
The fort, though, is an unmanned site, unless an event is taking place. This means it was all shuttered, but the gates were open, so we could enter the fort's courtyard but not enter the buildings. Even the reconstruction was abandoned for a while, but now there is a non-profit dedicated to the restoration and preservation of this cool site.

Pookie chilling on the porch of a barracks.

And Pookie keeping guard in a blockhouse!

The front gate of the fort. A Pookie for scale! The garden in front of the walls is for fresh vegetables (historically) and is used by reenactors to explain about life in the fort. Not sure who uses the crops if reenactors don't.

In all, it was a fun trip, and I love having Pookie photo ops to help show neat places!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Lacy Baby Sweater

(Topic: Knitting, rainbow babies)


Dear Friends,

As you have seen, I recently finished a whole run of baby shrugs, for all the friends who had/will have babies. I enjoyed making those a lot! But now that they are done, I'm looking back into my own knitting pile, and the project I decided to work on next is another baby sweater... but this time, fancy and lacy (and thus it took much longer). This one is intended for our next child, whenever he or she comes along! Many of the baby clothes that I occasionally buy do have rainbows on them, to represent a child after loss, but I also like having non-gendered clothing, so while lacy is sometimes considered feminine, I'm not knitting it in particularly "girly" colors, so that this sweater can be worn by a boy or a girl.

Much of the process involves doing this scallop, sometimes in different colors, and the number of repeats depends on the width of piece (back vs. front vs. sleeve). But once you have the scallop down, the pattern is pretty straight-forward.




Two finished sleeves and the back (with simple shaping on the side for sleeves).


Two fronts, complete. Shaping on the outside edge for the sleeves, and then higher up there is shaping on the inside edge for the neckline.

Seamed together.

And, finished! With a simple border on the front and neckline.


Close up of the border.

I really love how it came out! The pattern is called a cashmere, but I didn't use cashmere yarn - I think I used an alpaca blend, but I've misplaced the labels, so I'm not sure! Oh well... It's fuzzy and pretty, so I'm happy!!!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Pookie at Restaurants

(Topic: Explaining Weighted Bears, Infant Loss)



Dear Friends,

You may have noticed that Pookie (our weighted Molly Bear) comes with us to a lot of places. He's our avatar for Charlie, but in a way, we have attributed a sort of imaginary personality to Pookie himself, and he's a member of our family too, in a way.

Grown women don't often carry around teddy bears, though. So as you might imagine, I do receive a lot of comments about him, and between my own feelings about being seen with a stuffed animal, and worrying about the comments, I consider very carefully where I'll take Pookie.


Replying to Comments
 
In fact, some of the comments got to the point that I knew I really needed a good way to reply. Of course, sometimes people just ask: "Who's the bear?" or something, and then I can say, he's a weighted bear who represents my son who was stillborn at full term. And that usually satisfies my need to acknowledge Charlie and the asker's need to know why I'm toting about a teddy. But many people - seeing me carry him on my hip or in carrier, because with his weight, it's actually easiest to carry Pookie the same way as a baby - say "Oh my God, I thought it was a baby!" without actually stopping to talk to me. They are curious, surprised, and maybe a tad embarrassed that they mis-saw what he was. And I feel like they are being unintentionally rude, because all they are doing is loudly calling attention to me with no follow-up. These comments are the ones I most needed a reply to - something I could use quickly, but also keeping the interaction to a minimum because they clearly are ready to move on. After some consultation with my therapist and much cogitating, I came up with a reply: "Here, this card explains it!". And I whip out one of these, and let them move on or engage as they feel comfortable.

If you have a Molly Bear or similar weighted bear, and think that a card like this would be helpful, please be in touch. I'm happy to share my template for you to adapt. Please note that this is specific to Molly Bears, which you can change if need be. The link at the bottom is to my resource spreadsheet. I'm not sponsored or sponsoring anyone: it's literally just anything I come across. Please explore it! Also, these cards are intended to NOT be specific with names. That means that if you know someone or meet someone who struggles with the same issue, you can share cards with them immediately.

 I've found that generally this does the trick. Some people just say ok, some hand the card back, some choose to ask further questions or share a story of a loss of their own or one they've heard of. All of these are great: No matter what, Charlie has been acknowledged, Pookie is explained, I now have a reason for my quirk in the stranger's eyes, and if I'm really lucky, they've learned about loss or at least thought about how they addressed me.

Of course, most comments aren't as clear cut. Some ask about Pookie in whatever context I'm in - like asking why he's going to the doctor, when I have him with me in a waiting room (to comfort me, actually), or asking if he eats a lot, like when we're in a restaurant. Some just make comments, and I can either choose to play along - even bears need well child checks, he only eats lots of blueberries - or I can choose to explain a bit more. In any of these middle ground cases, my response is based on the tone and approach of the person talking to me, and also on my own emotional state at the moment.


 Why do we bring Pookie with us to restaurants?

One of the more common places that we do choose to bring Pookie is to restaurants. Usually when both Hubby and I are there, or if I'm having an emotionally difficult day.

Why do we bring him anywhere? Partly as emotional support, and partly as an ambassador. Because people ask questions, Pookie's physical presence is often an impetus for engagement, spreading awareness and helping people understand. I've often met people who have had losses this way, and in those situations, if their loss was recent, I can help them connect with me or other loss parents, or find resources.

But despite everything I've just told you about the types of comments, and types of replies, and the comfort he gives me, I'll be honest and say that I have the most fun photographically capturing Pookie's personality!!!










With a healthy drink, and a pack of tissues for mama... and after Pookie downed the whole thing!!!

These next ones are in sequence: Watch the spoon!!!





Hope you enjoyed hearing about Pookie's job and Pookie's fun!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss