Showing posts from July, 2017

Emotions & Childloss

Hi Friends,

I will again start this post with the caveat: This is MY experience, and others may perceive or experience grief differently from me.

I will start out by admitting I have always been somewhat of a dramatic person. I have always expressed feelings loudly and vehemently. I like to believe this is because I feel things intensely, and that it's not just me being loud! However, over the last 12 months, I have felt things to a depth I didn't experience before.

There are two feelings I want to talk about specifically, and a few others I will mention too.
Sadness (and guilt, and anger)

The sadness really didn't surprise me per se, but the intensity did. Early on after Charlie died, I would weep loudly and intensely, and it felt like I was turning inside-out. And when I wasn't weeping, I felt a heavy stone, deep under my sternum, of the sadness and loss. I felt shattered and broken, and there was a hole in my chest where I thought my love of Charlie was. I think it …

Baby Tree

Hi Friends,

When Charlie was newly born and we were getting gifts after the funeral, we got a few that were not tangible. They were really wonderful, too! For instance, one person bought a star in his name, so we got a certificate and a star map to show us where it is (it's a dim star in the constellation of Cassiopeia).

One person bought us a tree --- but not for us, or our yard, or even for a park near here. Instead, they bought it through Trees For Change in Charlie's name, and it's planted in an area that needs replanting. When I first got the certificate and then looked up the website, it told me that his tree would be placed in Tahoe National Forest, and that it would be a local variety, likely a pine or spruce.

And on June 21st of this year, 1 year and 2 days after Charlie's birthday (less than a year after the tree was bought, though), I got an email with information about the batch of trees that was just planted, including Charlie's tree.

So I'm sure …