Empty Arms, Weighted Bears (And Bonus Halloween Pictures!)

(Topic: Weighted bears, grief, grief recovery, infant loss, also Halloween!)

Our Molly Bear, one weighted bear option

Introduction

This is another shareable post! Please feel free to share the link to this blog or this post specifically.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I am focusing on topics that will help friends of families going through the loss of a baby, geared toward making common topics accessible to people outside the "loss community".

Previous posts in this series include:

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (an explanation)
What can I say? Ideas on how to talk to a grieving friend
Wave of Light
A brief glossary of pregnancy and infant loss
How Common is Pregnancy Loss?

Please feel free to share any of the above links or today's post to anyone you think would benefit from it.

Why Empty Arms?

After an the death of a baby, the mother often has a physical reaction to the loss in addition to the grief and mental health issues that can often result.

One of the common physical symptoms is a feeling of lack, emptiness, wrongness, or too-lightness in the areas of the arms, wrists, and hands. This is due to the expectation of having a baby to hold, but it goes beyond just a mental lack, it truly is a physical ache or emptiness. Whether or not a particular mother has this, or if so, whether she finds it disruptive, can certainly vary, both in presence and in degree.

For me, personally, I have found this symptom to be very uncomfortable and nerve-wracking to experience.

Getting some extra snuggles before a plane trip (weighted bears look weird on X-ray, so it's safer to leave them home)

Why Weighted Bears?

One of the methods that people have come up with to deal with that empty/lack/ache is to hold something heavy - even something as simple as a bag of rice, or a hot water bottle (I have one with a tiger cover, which means something to me, so this was a super helpful option when I couldn't have my bear).

That evolved into creating weighted bears, and, more meaningfully, weighted the same as the child you lost. There are several groups that make them, each with their own guidelines, but they are often not-for-profit and try to keep the costs to the loss parents either zero or very low (such as shipping costs).

Who makes them?

There are several groups that make bears weighing the same as the baby. I don't personally endorse any one over others. I will list all of the ones I'm aware of. The reason I personally have one from Molly Bears is simply because that's who I heard of first when I originally got one!

HEALing Embrace	https://www.healingembrace.org/	You can request care packages and weighted bears, themed or personalized in some way based on your story.
Heart to Hold	www.ahearttohold.com	stuffed items weighted same as child
Molly Bears	www.mollybears.com	Make teddy bears that have the weight of your baby. When you order, you tell them some meaningful themes/ideas and they will personalize the bear in some way.
Alexa bears	https://www.facebook.com/alexabears/	Weighted bears
Comfort Cubs	https://www.thecomfortcub.org/

They're Family x2

Weighted bears are a representation, or a form of avatar, for the child who died. In many families, the bear will be present at family gatherings and in family photos, holding the place of the baby. Imagine that you had a dear relative, like a grandma or an uncle, who passed away. Maybe at Thanksgiving you might set his or her place, and put a picture of that relative on the plate. Similarly, many people's bears are in a place of "representation", and not a toy. However, also look at how the mom and dad are behaving around the bear.

In our case, the bear has his own name (beyond the name of the child he represents), and his own imaginary personality (something like Calvin interacting with Hobbes, or Christopher Robin with Winnie the Pooh). So in our case, he's a bit like a toy, a bit like a family member, and a bit like a place holder for our son Charlie. He's family in two ways: as a representative, and as his own "Person" (as Pookie, our bear). So to me, a picture with me, hubby, and Pookie is just as valid as a family picture as one with me, hubby, and little Charlie - especially since we can never get more with Charlie.

Note: Here's how Pookie got his name: Charlie's full name is Charles Peacock [+last name], and we nicknamed him Charlie - based on his first name. The company we got the bear from uses full names, so they named the bear Charles Peacock Bear... which is fine, but I wanted to make a distinction about when talking about the bear vs. the baby (not everyone does, many would just say "Charles Bear" and that's fine!). So based on the middle name - Peacock - we came up with Pookie!

Bonus Halloween Pictures :)

Not everyone dresses their bear, but I do! Pookie Has his own dresser and everything :)
He has a yellow rain hat (currently misplaced, which is driving me crazy), and people would call Pookie Paddington when he wore it - Paddington's hat is not yellow except in one stuffed animal version - the hat should be red if you look at the original book. Since people kept thinking of Paddington, though, Pookie decided to be Paddington for Halloween this year! Pictures below :) Enjoy!

Pookie and his pumpkin! Also the new tiger toy he picked out at Ikea.

Pookie reminded me that I'd promised he could wear his pumpkin pajamas last night! The white parts glow in the dark!

There he is, all set! Ready for travels and adventures, with his jar of marmalade :)

My little PaddingPook!

Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

WIP Leafy Cowl

(Topic: Knitting)

Hi Friends,

I know I just finished the other and don't have pictures of the completed, blocked Cedar Leaf Shawlette yet, and no pictures of me modelling it for you yet, but I promise they'll come soon! Probably next week :)

However, my needles have not been idle.

The next new project is actually using the same yarn (from Looped Yarn Works, the same Aleister color way). If I mathed right, I should have enough for this project too, without having to make it short! We shall see!

This pattern, Folia Cowl: A design for Fearless New Knitters, from Try This At Home Designs (by Giovanna Clementi in Canada), initially really excited me. It seemed to have a lot of written out explanation, and markets itself as for adventurous but inexperienced knitters. Since I'm largely self taught but do pretty well with most patterns, I was hoping to use this to actually check if I have gaps in my knowledge.

The first thing most patterns call for is to make a swatch, to see if your needles and tension result in the right size (because we all hold and tension the yarn a little differently, we sometimes have to adjust the needle size to basically force ourselves to match how the pattern maker tensions things - this means we should end up with the same size finished item).

Interestingly, while the pattern did list gauge information (stitch count by row count), it did not actually tell the user how to do it, nor did it tell you what size the finished swatch was supposed to be! (Standard is often 4" x 4", but it wasn't specified.)

My first swatch. My first mistake was that I often confuse which technique matches the words "stockinette" and "garter" so I did the wrong one (hazard of being largely self-taught). This means that nothing came out right, and I got confused.

Since I was confused without realizing my error,  I thought maybe the stitch and row counts had accidentally been reversed in the pattern. Of course, since that wasn't the issue, this turned out a strangely tiny swatch.

Since I was getting such confusing results, I decided to test the beginning of the pattern. Instead of being too small, like swatch 2, it was too big, getting close to a 14"  width instead of a 12" width.

At this point I had managed to thoroughly confuse myself. I reached out to a glorious genius amazing knitting friend :) who soon spotted my error. I had swatched with the wrong stitch! Garter was what I had used (bumpy on both sides by knitting in both directions) and stockinette is what I should have used (smooth on one side and tightly bumpy on the other, formed by knitting in one direction and purling when returning in the other direction). So I re-swatched, going down a size needle because my test rows of the actual pattern had been so wide.....

Much closer to 4" x 4". Also, my awesome friend pointed out that the width of the swatch is more important than the length, and I was just about right on, width wise, and not far off, length wise... I swatched this on #9 needles.

I'll be honest, I also did  another swatch or two, because there was a confusing item on the gauge page. The pattern comes adjusted for 2 weights/thicknesses of yarn: worsted and bulky. My yarn is slightly thinner than worsted, varying between a worsted and a dk, and is not consistant, so I'm working with the worsted numbers. On the worsted section, my gauge stitches were 17 x 11 rows (big number cast on, small number of rows); for worsted it was 12 stitches by 18 rows (small number cast on, big number of rows). I don't know if this is right, since I didn't have bulky to test with, but the width of my swatch came out ok with 17 cast on, so I got muddled by that apparent inconsistency when I confused myself with my mistake!

The first several rows are seed stitch, which is pretty straightforward.

Of course I'll be updating you as I figure out the lace pattern! So far it's just a band, so it's really hard to tell how the finished product will look or even whether or not the pattern will be easy to follow. I'll let you know!!!




Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

How common is Pregnancy Loss?

(Topic: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Statistics)

Introduction

This is another shareable post! Please feel free to share the link to this blog or this post specifically.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I am focusing on topics that will help friends of families going through the loss of a baby, geared toward making common topics accessible to people outside the "loss community".

Previous posts in this series include:

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (an explanation)
What can I say? Ideas on how to talk to a grieving friend
Wave of Light
A brief glossary of pregnancy and infant loss

Please note that I have previously explored today's topic: By The Numbers, but that I try to make the numbers/statistics accessible today.

What is Pregnancy Loss, and how common is it?

How you define different pregnancy loss types definitely affects how the numbers tally up, so let's take a look at how things come together.

Early Pregnancy

Miscarriage (usually defined as a loss within the first 20-25 weeks of pregnancy) is a tricky one, since really early loss is sometimes so early that the mother might not even realize she's pregnant, and may think the loss is just her next period. Those are impossible to count, though, since a mom would never be able to report that she was pregnant and then lost it. Early pregnancy detection tests mean that people do find out much earlier than they used to, so more people are aware of early losses than in previous decades.

There is data out there about miscarriage frequency, but since it's hard to pin down (what if you only have one positive test and then a period? Was that a pregnancy?) the numbers are less concrete. Once I find solid sources, I will share.

Late Pregnancy

However, stillbirth (a loss within the second half of pregnancy, all the way up to what would be a full term birth) has more solid data. In the US, a stillbirth is considered to be any loss in week 20 of pregnancy or after. According to Global Health Organization standards it's the 25th week and beyond. In both cases, it is when the baby is not born alive (https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/stillbirth/facts.html).

In the US, the CDC (Center for Disease Control) is one of the main organizations that keeps track of health data, including death. They say that about 1% of all pregnancies end in stillbirth. That would be 1 baby in 100 - which is a lot. According to WHO (the World Health Agency), who is an international organization, the worldwide rate is actually about 1.8% - which is like 1 baby in 50, which is even more awful. Not only that, but many of these deaths could actually have been prevented (http://www.who.int/reproductivehealth/topics/maternal_perinatal/stillbirth/en/).
Note that these are worldwide rates...

In the US alone, which has about a 3 in 1000 rate of stillbirth death (GHO Stillbirth rates by Country), there are about 24,000 stillbirths a year (CDC, the data from 2013).

According to WHO, "Every year, worldwide, [...] 2.6 million babies are stillborn" (http://www.who.int/mediacentre/news/releases/2016/stillbirths-neonatal-deaths/en/).

I don't think I need to tell you how many devastated parents that leaves...

Pregnancies as a Whole

The number that is often thrown around is "1 in 4" pregnancies results in loss. I am having a hard time finding good sources to document this, but I would just like to point out that it is 1 pregnancy out of every 4, not women, not mothers, and this does seem to include stillbirth statistics, as well as the nebulous and hard to estimate miscarriage numbers I mentioned above.

To sum up, worldwide, 2 in every 100 babies dies in the second half of pregnancy. If we add the whole pregnancy, it might be as many as 25 in 100. That's a quarter of the babies, folks, 1 baby in every 4. This is a huge problem.

Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Completed Green Cedar Leaf Shawlette

(topic: knitting)

Note

This post is a "Saturday Hobby" post. During October (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month), Wednesday (stillbirth blog themed) posts are more specifically about awareness and sharing about Pregnancy and Infant Loss. However, sticking with my usual format, Saturday posts still showcase fiber crafts I'm currently working on! Please join us again later this week to read about the statistic and numbers surrounding pregnancy loss.

THE CEDAR LEAF SHAWLETTE --- DONE AT LAST!

READ ALL ABOUT IT, READ ALL ABOUT IT!
Yup, I'm finally done (mostly) with the shawlette! In time for my self-imposed deadline, too. Below are pictures of the final product.
Why "mostly done"? Because it is currently in the process of blocking (drying while pinned in shape, so the wool learns where to be, so the pattern is fully visible).

Fully finished, just needs the ends woven in! Note that the leaves are pretty curled under. Blocking should fix that.

A possible outfit (seeing which shawl pin I like!). Again, many of the leaves are only half showing - pinning the shawl while wet and letting it dry (because it's all wool) should teach the wool fibers where I want them to be, and will hopefully make the leaves more visible!

This is what it looks like right now, pinned in shape. The top of the shawl could have been pinned straight, but then the leaves couldn't open fully. Since I'm usually going to be wrapping this around my shoulders, the curve of the top edge won't show, and I'd rather have the leaves fully uncurled anyway!

I had great fun making this project. I'm already casting on the next project, but I promise I'll post a picture of me in this shawl at some point!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

A Brief Glossary of Pregnancy and Infant Loss

(Topic: Loss, Terminology)

Introduction

This post is part of my October - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month series of posts, meant to be shared, particularly with people who do not have infant loss in their experience. Please feel free to share the link to the blog or directly to this or any other post.
(What is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? Click here for the first post this month)

Words, Words, Words

Words are kinda my thing. I was an English major as an undergrad, and kept working with language when I got to grad school. So I noticed that there are some terms (words) that come up in the Pregnancy and Infant loss community that might be hard to understand for someone who hasn't been in it for long, or someone on the outside. So just to clear everything up, here's a little glossary of words I've come across, and what they are used for, as far as I have seen.

Abortion - Technically any pregnancy that ends early, whether wanted, intentional, accidental, or other. This word has many uses and often isn't well defined at all, so I don't want to go into this much here, but suffice to say that this is a hot button issue and best left quiet in groups of loss parents.

Angel baby 👼 or Star baby ⭐ - The baby who died. I see angel much more in this country, but it has strong religious overtones, so not everyone is comfortable with it. I have seen star baby as an option, primarily from a few of my European contacts, but I'm not sure if this is used consistently. Angel baby is fairly ubiquitous here and is widely understood to mean the baby who died, regardless of the parents' religious affiliation. I have not personally spoken to anyone who is atheistic or of another religion to get their perspective, but I would love to hear if anyone knows other words for the baby.

Child Loss - Loss of a child, usually after the first birthday.

Infant Loss - Loss of a baby after birth, often up through the first birthday.

Loss parent, Loss mom/mama, Loss dad/papa - Terms for the parents of a baby who died. While not used everywhere, these do pop up, and you'll see me use them here a lot.

Miscarriage - Any pregnancy that ends prior to 20 weeks of gestation.

Rainbow baby 🌈 - See Sunshine baby... A rainbow doesn't negate the storm, in fact, the storm must exist for a rainbow to follow... so this is the child following a loss. Again, not a perfect term for those who have multiple losses or losses interspersed with living children. And again, this term is widely used and understood, and is a very nice symbology in some ways, so many people use it.

Pregnancy Loss - Any loss during pregnancy, from conception all the way through birth.

Stillbirth - Any pregnancy that ends after 20 weeks (or sometimes 22, depending on who's counting) of gestation, all the way through full term/birth.


Sunshine baby 🌞 - This and Rainbow Baby are terms coming from a particular poem or concept, that the grief of losing a baby is a "storm" (with the tears = rain). Sunshine is before the storm, so this term is often used to refer to a child had before the baby that died. This can be problematic for people who have more than one loss, especially if interspersed between living children, but is a term commonly used and understood.


I'm sure there are others I could include but these are the biggest ones I've noticed. Comment below if you think of other terms that would be helpful to understand or share!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wave of Light

(topic: Loss, Remembrance)

Wave of Light 2017

Don't forget! TONIGHT, Monday the 15th, light a candle (or one for each baby you know) or turn on a battery candle, or light a candle at a place of worship...

If we all do this in our own timezone, from 7pm to 8pm, a rolling wave of light will flow around the world, in memory of all our little ones 💗



Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

What can I say? Ideas on how to talk to and help a grieving friend

(topic: loss, grief, communication, helping)

Introduction

This is a post in my series of posts honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. My goal is for these posts to be shareable - if you are a loss parent, I hope you find this post helpful to share with your friends to help them understand you, what you are going through, and how to help.

Please note that usually my Wednesday posts are loss related, and my Saturday posts are hobby-themed. Due to extenuating circumstances, I missed Wednesday this week, and this post (a day late), which would normally be a hobby post, is making up for Wednesday. Thanks for your patience with this little hiccup in routine!

Why Are We Talking About This?

There are several reasons why pregnancy and infant loss is incredibly important to bring into the open - such as helping the medical world realize that this needs to be studied and the rate of loss needs to be reduced - but why is it important to discuss how to talk about it?

Well, in my experience, our culture doesn't talk about death much, and when we do it's either joking or morbid, or it gets really, really awkward. And when talking about grief, we are smack-dab in that third category. It's tough to talk about, which unfortunately means that our culture teaches us to respond with platitudes and sayings, none of which are really very helpful to the person grieving - and some of which are actually quite hurtful.

There are many articles out there on the hurtful things people say, and sometimes why they are so painful. In the past, I have discussed some of them myself (What Do I Say? from May 2017), while trying to address some helpful things to say instead. Today I'd like to focus on some helpful ways to approach talking to a loss mom or dad, and some other ways to help a grieving family.

What Can I Say?

First off, be sincere and think before you speak, no matter what. Usually, when someone is hurtful, it's usually because a) they are just trying to leave the conversation, b) they are saying a phrase or saying without thinking about the deeper meaning, or c) are comparing to something, like something they've been through, rather than just listening.

What exactly you say is really up to you and depends on your relationship to the person you are talking to. Generally though, being open to the grieving person's experience is extremely helpful. While you might see what they are going through physically, you have no way to know what's in their head and how they are perceiving it. Be patient and open, and willing to listen and try to understand. If they tell you that they don't want to talk about a particular aspect, or do want you to do something, like talk about their baby by name (rather than as a miscarriage, stillbirth, fetus, or even "the baby"), please respect their wishes and either don't or do talk about that when in a conversation with them.

What if you are just meeting someone new? Really listen to how they are approaching topics - any topics! And listen to see what they are comfortable sharing. Don't push for information, but rather let the conversation take a natural tack. If they bring up their loss, and it makes you uncomfortable, here are some helpful phrases you can riff on:
- "I can't imagine what you are going through"
- "I'm so sorry to hear that"
- "What's his/her name?" (very few people ask, and I wish more did)
- "I'm here for you"
- "Would you like to tell me about him/her?"

Some things to avoid are religious platitudes, anything that is an "at least" type statement, or any comparing of grief situations. Also, if you decide to ask questions, please be thoughtful and careful about not only how but also what you're asking! I don't care how nicely you ask, whether or not my uterus is healthy enough for more kids is between me, my husband, and my doctor (for instance).

I could list many things that are unhelpful, but really the key thing is to truly listen and pay attention, and think before you speak, because the most helpful things people have said just indicated they were happy to listen (and not pry) and the least helpful things were people saying religious or trite platitudes that felt diminishing or demeaning, or questions that were truly invasive.

Is There Anything I Can DO??

Yes! There's plenty you can do. The better you know the person, the more you can do. Some things to think about:

• Tomorrow, October 15th, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and at 7pm (through 8pm) people are lighting candles in memory, each in their own time zone. This means there's a constant wave of light flowing around the world, time zone by time zone, in memory of all the little ones not in the arms of their parents. Light a candle! If you know a family well, sending them a picture of your candle, letting them know you were thinking of their baby, is a very sweet thing to do.
• Let them know you're thinking of them. Whatever means you usually use is great (text, call, email, social media, card, skywriting 😊), or a handwritten card/note is always nice.
• Use their baby's name, especially if they do. Many families (me included) really like to know that you haven't forgotten the baby.
• If they have pictures of the baby, and it seems appropriate, ask to see them! Not everyone is comfortable sharing, and not everyone has pictures, but many who do would love to share. Think about it: most parents show pictures of their kids all the time. Well, I want to, too - but I only have about 50 and that number is never going to change, so I don't have new cute ones to share. But I'd love to show you Charlie again and again, any time you ask!
• If their grief is fresh, ask if they need help with concrete things around the house. The more specific you can be, the better. "Can I come vacuum for you?" is more helpful than "Do you need anything?" because especially early in grief, making decisions, and seeing what you need help with, is very hard. If they seem hesitant because they think it's a burden on you, then you can insist. If they are saying no for other reasons, though, please respect their boundaries.
• If the grief is fresh, bringing meals can also be helpful. Make sure you're aware of allergies. Foods that can be frozen are also helpful, in case they got too many in a week (also because early on some people's appetites are low).
• If their grief is slightly older, beyond the first month or two, reach out again! This is the time when I felt like the initial wave of help was done, but I wasn't fully functional yet, and my fears of Charlie being forgotten were really high.
• If you are close with the person, make note of dates that they might find meaningful, and remember them with a card or text or something. The birthday of the baby is especially poignant for most loss parents. Some other dates that might have meaning: Date they found no heartbeat, date of conception or date they found out they were expecting, Mother's Day and Father's Day, date of the funeral, October 15th (remembrance day), date of a particular memory (I have one in February because that was the first time Charlie kicked back when hubby put his hand on my tummy!).
• Support an organization that helps! You can use smile.amazon.com to donate as you shop, or you can donate directly to an organization. Ask your loss friend - they'll often have one or two they've really connected with. There are plenty out there. Some take photos of the baby right after birth, some make weighted bears, some do research to prevent further pregnancy and infant loss, some provide pro-bono counseling... there are many options!
• Support an organization in memory of the baby, and let your loss friend know. For instance, we had a friend who bought us a tree, through an organization that re-forests after forest fires, and the tree is in memory of Charlie. Or if the loss friend has a symbol for their baby (many do, often an animal that represents the baby, sometimes connected to a story about the baby), you can donate to a cause they support that ties to that symbol.

I know that's a lot to think about, but there are so many ways to support your friends it's hard to stop telling you! I'll leave it at that right now, but if you have questions or other ideas, feel free to share in the comments - I'd love to hear your ideas! The key point is that you respect the loss mom or dad and how they grieve, no matter what.

💟

In love,

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Notice of Delay

Hi Friends,

A family emergency came up this week and I'm behind in blogging... hope to have something done by the weekend but we'll see. Thanks for your understanding!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Music Stand Case

 (Topic: Sewing)

Intro

Friends, although this is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and this is a blog that is largely about life after a loss, this is also where I post about my hobbies - but only on Saturdays! So even for this month, I'll be sticking to my usual format of grief/loss content on Wednesdays and sewing/knitting/etc on Saturdays.

Below are pictures of a project I completed last year. Enjoy!

The Music Stand Case project

I am on of many siblings in a very musical family. I suppose it was inevitable that I would someday be asked to make something related to that!!! As it turns out, I was asked to make a case for the music stand my violin-sister uses. She'd had a bag for it, but it wore out and the folded music stand would poke out. It got to the point where it could even fall out, so I got to make the replacement.

It needed to be sturdy, so I dug through my stash for some durable fabrics, and came up with several pieces of canvas that would hold up to use. I had different weights and colors and types, including a boring beige which was rejected! I ended up using a nice sky blue.

Instead of just seaming, I used a binding like her original bag had had. But not boring black! I found a woven band (again, in my deep and varied stash!). I was even able to find one that coordinated with the colors. And I used some scrap fabric to make a handle.

Back of bag, closed. The woven trim has a blue background, with a repeating floral and some metallic. Handle purposely has slack to be grab-able even when the bag is full.

Back side, open. The piece of trim is to cover and decorate the stitching for the velcro closure.

Front/top open. Trim also protects the edge of the opening.

Front top, closed.

As far as I know, this bag is still in active use! It was a fun project, especially since I knew it was practical but would also be enjoyed, and would be distinctive in an orchestra room with all the black bags and cases!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

(Topic: loss, grief, awareness)

What is this Awareness Month?

This month is a special one in the USA, but I don't know if other countries officially observe it. Back in 1988, President Reagan specified October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month (Full text of the official declaration at this link).

The idea is to help people who have not gone through a loss to know that it still happens. If people know it's a problem, this helps in 2 ways: 1) they might feel less betrayed if it happens to them, and less like a single aberrant case, which is a lonely stance, and 2) researchers will be more likely to pick up the topic to potentially develop both ways to support people going through it and ways to prevent it in the first place. As he said in his declaration: "It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems."

You may notice elements of the awareness "campaign" if you see things like a half-pink, half-blue awareness ribbon; you may see posts about people's babies who died or some friends may go very quiet on social media for the month. Some newspapers or television stations may even do features about some of the support or research organizations created to help parents going through this type of tragedy.

Awareness ribbon with cockade, that I made for our door (a tiger is the symbol we use for our son Charlie). We have had one on each door to the house since we moved in.

What will this blog do?

I will be posting a lot about loss this month, but will have posts about topics that will be helpful, I hope, to share with non-loss friends to help them understand.

Post topics will include:

• What is helpful to say or do for a friend who lost a baby?

• How common is Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss?

• Words associated with Pregnancy and Infant Loss

 Please feel free to comment below or on Facebook or Instagram @being_charlies_mama with any other things you think it would be helpful for me to write about.

Why is this month special to this blogger (Sarah) personally?

My son Charlie was born (stillborn) in 2016, and since then, October has been a month were we make time to visit Charlie at the cemetery (we go other times too, of course!) and where we make sure to talk to others about him. There are also memorial ceremonies and walks that we take part in, and it really helps us feel that our otherwise invisible son is acknowledged and remembered. October was also the month we found out that I was pregnant, back in 2015, which adds an extra layer for us. You can read more of our story by choosing the "Who is Charlie" link at the top of this page, or clicking here.

Related Dates

October 15th is Remembrance Day, specifically, so many ceremonies and remembrance walks are scheduled on or right around this date. There is also a "wave of light" - lighting a candle at 7pm, that many people around the world take part in. By lighting a candle in memory of a baby, or multiple babies, from 7-8 pm in your own timezone, there will be a continuous light going around the world as people in each zone light their candles.

Wave of Light 2017 at our house. I lit a candle for every loss family (and each baby thereof) that I knew personally. Too, too many. Love to every single one. The white/orange/black candle with a tiger ribbon is for our son Charlie.

What can I, the reader, do?

• Share this post! Talk about the issue, post about the issue, or share links about the issue. The more people know about this, the more likely it becomes that the people who can do something about it will hear. Also, the more people know about it, the more supported loss-parents will be. Please feel free to post links to this post or any other post on this blog. If posting on Facebook, link the @beingcharliesmama account or me personally, Sarah Warner. Direct link to this post is https://clothespress.blogspot.com/2018/10/pregnancy-and-infant-loss-awareness.html

• Light a candle from 7-8pm on October 15th. It can be in memory of one specific baby, multiple babies, or if you don't know anyone, light one in honor of all the babies who died too soon. If you are in a dorm and can't have candles, you can use a nightlight or battery candle, or light one at a local church or chapel or house of worship if that's available to you. It isn't the candles per se :) it's the love and thoughts and memories!

• If you know someone who lost a baby, whether during pregnancy at any point or after birth, let them know you're thinking of them. Just sending a quick text or PM, or a card in the mail - whatever your normal way of chatting with that mom or dad might be. Don't forget the dads! They miss their children too.

Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss