Post-MWAH Wrap-Up

(Topic: grief, habits, art, religion/spirituality)

 Dear Friends,

If I can say one thing, it is that adding a daily discipline - other than the habits I'm used to - is hard! No surprise, there, but that's the short explanation of why I didn't do MWAH every day this month. Additionally, it's extra hard if it has you thinking about and confronting complicated and uncomfortable emotions... Motivation has been something I've struggled with, anyway. However, I'm glad I did even just the ones I did, since for me this is not just about my own healing and mental health, but is also a way that I can parent Charlie, too.

To wrap up the month, I'll recap the ones I did (essentially the first 7, give or take), with some notes about the inspirations and influences that inspired them. None of these are meant to represent finished pieces of art: they are, instead, pieces of thought, pieces of emotions, being processed visually and tactilely.

Prompt: Sunrise. This is probably one of the more obvious inspirations. You may notice that the question in the middle has been changed, slightly, to reflect my experience.

Prompt: Beginnings. My inspiration here is biblical. "in the beginning God created..." "without form and void" "in the beginning was the Word" (this is primarily from Genesis and from the Gospel of John). Charlie's grave is on here, which is PART of God's creation, Charlie and Charlie's grave.

Prompt: Anxiety. To me, this can be what anxiety feels like. I was going to add more lightning, in reds and oranges, from the sides, with more questions and critiques, but ran short of time and energy that evening.

Prompt: Grace. I was stumped on this one for a long time, because I find it hard to find positive things about Charlie's death, except for Charlie himself, and while granting myself grace/forgiveness is something I work on, it is harder to put into a visual form... But I do find that a piece of God's Grace came down when Charlie was baptized into the family of God, and I felt connection with the many other baptisms I have participated in or witnessed.

Prompt: Mother. This prompt came up, apropos, on Mother's Day. I got frustrated at how much marketing is done at the "traditional" "normal" mother - one in a 2 parent household, with 2.5 children, all biological, conceived and born with no issues at all, of course.

Prompt: Name. Probably obvious, this is my son's name! The tiger stripes are because he kicked a lot and we nicknamed him "our little Tigger", which stuck, and now tigers and tiger cubs, in general, represent him for us. Peacock is a family name.

This is not from a prompt, but from a small Facebook support group I'm in. I offered to include names of the babies in the group in a drawing. Charlie is on here too, upper right.

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

MWAH, prompt from May 7 - Name

MWAH May 6 - Mother

Interestingly, today is international bereaved mother's day.

MWAH May 4 - Grace

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

MWAH May 3 - Anxiety

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

MWAH May 2 - beginnings

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

MWAH May 1 - Sunrise

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

May We All Heal 2018, Preparation - April 28

(Topic: Grief and healing, art)

Dear Friends,

I am taking part in a creative healing workshop for the month of May, the month that contains Mother's Day here in the US. While the workshop is not just for pregnancy and infant loss, it was originally started because the founders experienced infant loss. So, for the month of May, I will be posting occasionally at times that are not my usual posting times, as I share with you what I creatively do or make based on the prompts that they will give me. If you are interested in participating, these links will be helpful:

The Facebook page, for the companion book: https://www.facebook.com/MayWeAllHeal/
You can buy the optional book here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/3952452726/ref=cm_sw_su_dp
The sponsoring Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/GrievingParents.net/
The Facebook group, which as closed/private group, in which many people will post: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MayWeAllHeal/
The Facebook Event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/148471972483976/
The website event page: http://grievingparents.net/may-we-all-heal/mwah2018/
The sponsoring website: http://grievingparents.net/

Additionally, you can find the group and the founder on Instagram: @MayWeAllHeal @MyMissBliss

Also, people who choose to share publicly on Instagram and Facebook will use #MWAH2018 and #mayweallheal


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Heartbreak In My Stomach

(drawing credit: Sarah Warner, for MWAH2017)

Dear Friends,

There is a feeling I'd like to explain. For me, part of grief - not just sadness, missing Charlie, dashed hopes and dreams - is a truly visceral feeling.

For me, emotion has always been tied to stomach aches. Not the kind you get with the flu, or food poisoning, or anything like that. But a clenching ugh in your middle that says that something isn't right.

There are triggers that bring on grief, for me, and one of the ways I feel the result is an absolute clench of my feelings in my belly. It can be a moment in a movie, a reminder of Charlie in the house or in something I'm reading, or even the grave of someone else's baby.

(Statue in St. Louis Botanical Garden)

My husband and I like to occasionally explore old cemeteries or take walks in them, and when we come across a grave that has one date, or where the dates are in the same year, or worse if the name is also Charlie, it hurts my heart, and I feel it in my stomach, or sometimes in my chest.

(Cemetery outside of St. Louis, where we watched the eclipse. I think it says 7 years 9 months 1 day)

And if I need to cry, I can feel the clichéd "lump in my throat", except it's not the one that I felt when I was little... this one is further down, and aches, until I bawl.

I'm tempted to say I'm sorry this post is a downer, but I'm not apologizing. I'm just saying that I regret that this is a very real part of my existence now, and I wanted to let you know about this side of it.

With love,

Sarah