Charlie's Garden and a Pookie Visit

(Topic: Gravesite)

Dear Friends,

One of the ways I "cultivate" Charlie's memory (ha ha ha!) is by gardening around his grave stone. We are lucky to have him in an old and beautiful cemetery that is open to people gardening on the gravesites, as long as you stay roughly within their parameters and guidelines.

As long as the garden is within the dimensions, doesn't have majorly spiny bushes, or breakable things, it's within guidelines. I have many spring bulbs planted, and the yellow "greenery" is a decorative oregano, which provides most of the summer fill.

As you can see, amongst the plants are also garden decorations. Some of these are more long term, but others (such as the pinwheel) I change out seasonally. In the back left you can see a box in which is a notebook for visitors to leave notes for Charlie if they are so inclined. There are also a few tigers hidden in the oregano that live there - it's their jungle!

On a recent visit I found a puzzle piece in the grass near his grave (but clearly from someone else). Seemed fitting, though!

I almost always have Pookie with me on visits. He helps out with the garden as much as he can without getting grubby, and likes to pose for pictures.

What a sweet fuzzball!

We're pretty close to a line of trees, so late summer afternoons start to get shade because of the angle of the sun. No overhead shade, though.

This cemetery is located along a river, and in the river is a large rock that has served as a landmark for hundreds if not thousands of years. You can see it behind Pookie, who is enjoying a new bench overlooking the peaceful river!

The view upriver

Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Garden

(Topic: Garden)

Hi Friends!

Not a long post this week. Just a little update about my garden.

After a slow start and late planting due to cold, we flipped right over into 90s and dry. Luckily we've been getting some rain, but it's sporadic.

Rainbow! These little guys are the tomatoes that volunteer planted from last year's burst tomatoes.

The volunteer tomatoes, and otherwise mostly empty square: I think 2 or 3 tiny leaves of spinach are poking up, and 1 or 2 ferny carrot sprouts. I may have to replant those.

Bed 2, tomatoes. Lots of green ones, so it looks like we'll have a good crop.

Beds 3 and 4. Peas and beans look like they'll start producing soon. Cucumbers and a strawberry plant in the last bed. While these cucumber plants aren't more than 8 or 10 inches tall, there's a hardy volunteer growing out of my compost heap behind the garage... we'll see what it is when it fruits!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

In A Different Light

(Topic: flowers, mental health, light)

Dear Friends,

Lately I have been admiring the lily.

Not Plato's Lily, not some ideal idea of a lily... I've been admiring the beautiful double lilies that grow in the garden of the house I rent. Beautiful salmon-orange with red and a touch of gold, with curling edges and the "double" multiple layers of petals. The ones that seem to spring forth fresh every day, yet provide a constant show of exuberance couched in a verdant bed of leaves.

Those lilies.

~

Several days ago I posted a message on Facebook that I was having a tougher day - not bad, but that I would really appreciate something cute or happy to look at or think about. Amongst the many cheerful, positive, and uplifting statements was a suggestion to go outside and spend some time with flowers.

At the time, I was involved in an activity I couldn't leave, but that evening I did go out and pick this lovely bouquet from our garden:

5 stems, each with one bloom. I initially snipped out the center parts to try to eliminate pollen in the house, but then realized that some of the center petals are actually stamen and fascinatingly had little curls of pollen at their tips, so each of the blooms had some minor trimming before being arranged in the vase.

It really did help me feel somewhat better for a bit, and I even set the table nicely and made a salad!

But then those lily flowers didn't last. By the next day, they'd closed up and shriveled, and I was very disappointed. But there were other buds on those stalks. I had no idea if they'd open, so I had a strange flower arrangement for a few days.

I took these three pictures, from the same perspective. Take a minute to look at them...

The only difference between left and right is lighting and focus, and the middle one has a filter that plays with tinting.

But isn't it funny, how the exact same lily stems look so different? On the left, they are just silhouettes, with no potential. You can maybe guess what the picture shows, from the shape, but it could be something dry and done, like seed pods. In the right picture, when the lighting is changed to focus on the lilies themselves, the potential is suddenly there. You can see the buds, the slight orange tint, the hint of possibility. And all three show a beauty, I think, of form. The middle one makes me think of upward motion, and makes me think of Heaven, just a bit.

~

I don't know what I'm trying to say with this. That things have different sides, that you can see things in different lights? Maybe. You could certainly apply that metaphor to my life in a thousand obvious and less obvious ways. Maybe I'm just saying thanks, for helping me take a moment to see, and to notice.

~

And they did bloom again.

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Gardening with Pookie

(topic: gardening at a grave)

Dear Friends,

Several weeks ago, Pookie and I had a fun little adventure!

What a fine looking garden! Still though, could always use a little touch-up.

Cute gardener to the rescue! Goodness, gardening in a waistcoat? How dapper!

Look at him go! The drop-cloth in the foreground is under the picnic blanket that we use when visiting (if not actively cultivating...)

When one can't kneel, one sits on the kneeling pad! :)

Such a nice day!

Before...

...and after! Pretty fence installed! Pookie took his shoes off to rest on the blanket after all that work.

Pookie posing with his hard work!

Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Learning and Growing

This is a tree in the cemetery. I don't know what kind it is.

Dear friends,

I recently learned a phrase that I find beautiful, and really hits the nail on the head.

Have you ever noticed how, in English, we have no real, common word for a parent who has lost a child? We might call them a a loss parent, maybe. I suppose bereaved parent is pretty good.

However, in German, they can be called Verwaiste Eltern. This means orphaned parents. Sometimes I really feel this way - but instead of someone missing who should be caring for me, I feel like the missing person is one I should be caring for.
One of my German aunts told me this word. I'm really glad she did. I am more comfortable expressing myself in English - I have a better grasp of nuance - but every once in a while there is a word or phrase that just encapsulates an idea perfectly.

Edited to add: my mom pointed out there is an English book called "Orphan Mother" and that it's a phrase. Which is cool! I'd never heard that before. I like it.

The azalea by our front step.

I noticed I have started looking at things differently now. Maybe not majorly, but little things. I notice flowers more, and their details, so I started doing more photography and learning how to capture light and color and texture.
I notice nice phrases of how to say things related to loss. I notice everyday bits of language that I never before noticed could be harsh (Click here for my post about what not to say), and so I blog about them so you can also access my insights if you are interested.

One of the crocuses I planted at Charlie's grave.

I'm also learning new skills, and coming back to old skills. For instance, since I wanted Charlie's grave to be beautiful, and the cemetery allows us to plant (within a certain distance from the headstone), I am now learning to garden. I've even expanded this: Charlie has the potted garden on our front step as well, and I have a veggie garden out back, too! The beans are going to do well, and maybe the peas, spinach, and kale. Not as sure about the others, yet! I'd helped my mom garden when I was a kid, so I know how to plant, weed, and harvest, but I don't have a lot of the knowledge about timing or what to do if a plant is poorly.

Anyone know what this is? I planted it at his grave, but threw out the bag. They are bulbs.

After Charlie was born, I took a long break from crafts of all kinds. I'd been excitedly working on a baby blanket for him, and so I put it in a box for several months and didn't touch anything. However, finishing that blanket brought life back to my hands, and that's when I started my Etsy store. I knit and crochet a lot now, though I haven't done as much sewing yet. Some of what I do, I do for the store, some for myself, and some for a local group that donates baby blankets to the local NICU.

A forget-me-not bloom, from his potted garden. On my jeans.

I'm also rediscovering my love of drawing. I took part (am taking part - I'm not actually done) in a creative healing workshop. It was conducted exclusively online, and allowed me to participate at my own pace, though the structure was one creative expression per day. I primarily chose drawing. If you haven't been seeing my posts on Facebook, search for #MWAH2017 or #MAYWEALLHEAL. If you're not on Facebook, let me know in the comments if this is something you would like to see me post about, or if you know me personally, ask to see my sketchbook!

A double narcissus, from his grave. Post-rainstorm.

I've also picked math tutoring back up, and am generally exploring who I am. I'd planned to be a diaper-changing mama. Being a memory-keeping mama is taking some adjustment and exploration. I still have days where I don't function well. But I also have days (or moments) when the beauty breaks through the clouds and lights up my world.

Most sincerely yours,
~ Sarah

Infant loss resource document: www.tinyurl.com/infantloss