Saturday, December 29, 2018

Christmas 2018 with Pookie

(Topic: Christmas/holidays, family, incorporating a deceased loved one in the celebrations)



Hi friends!

This year we traveled to family for the holidays. I had hoped to get this post done for Wednesday the 26th, right after Christmas, but with travel and getting the photos in the right places and ready, I got a bit behind where I'd hoped to be. Oh well!

This post will be mostly pictures of how we decorated, a few family pictures, and some explanations of how we included Charlie in our celebrations.

I won the opportunity to have this lovely wreath made as a graphic for me - it helps include Charlie in what we do. If you follow me on Facebook, you'll have seen that this is my current profile picture. Because no matter what, we can't forget him, and we want to remember him always.

Simultaneous to winning the prior wreath, another group was also doing images. This one isn't as holiday specific; this is useful for me beyond the Christmas season. I love this one too.

While decorating for Advent (the preparatory season before Christmas), I was also packing to get ready for the trip to go see relatives over the holiday. Papa, Mama, and Baby (Pookie) Bear's suitcases!!!
few of our friends specifically mentioned Charlie in their holiday greetings to us, and 2 even included gifts for him! They were ornaments for his tree, which I'll explain in a minute.

So sweet!!! We never forget him, but it's super reassuring to know that other people haven't forgotten him either. This was another ornament, and another family gave me a necklace with three small pendants: a C, an angel wing, and a pearl.


This is Charlie's tree (Pookie's too). The actual tree even has a history! It is a little tree that my hubby and his brother would decorate in their own room with their own ornaments. Each ornament on the tree this year has been gotten or made in Charlie's memory (or in the case of the two bears, bought for Pookie!)




This was as far as the decorations got before we left for our travels. Stockings were up by December 6th (St. Nicholas Day). We include both Charlie and Pookie. I also had put up Charlie's tree. Every other decoration had to wait till we got back!

On our way out of town, we stopped to visit Charlie in person, and give him a "grave pillow" greenery. We tried this last year, and I liked the effect of the garden not being empty or dead for the first part of the winter.

We spent 4th Advent, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day with relatives: Charlie's Grandmother and Grandfather and Uncle, on Daddy's side. Pookie loves the warm fire! He's wearing his adventure hat because this is actually the night we arrived, so he's still in his travel clothes.

Christmas Eve family portrait, at one of the churches we attended. Photo credit to our friend Jenny.

I'm not a big fan of the santa tradition, but Pookie knew there were gifts coming, so he asked to wear his suit on Christmas Day! This is him, waiting by the warm fire for gift time to come. His new stompy boots work perfectly with this outfit!

One of the ways we include Pookie is to give him a little gift of his own. In some ways we picture Pookie like a toddler, so it is similar gifts to what Charlie might have gotten - except that we specifically pick out books about a piglet named Pookie! Hubby and I love reading aloud to Pookie (and each other). It's a way to have a little bit of what we might have been doing with Charlie.

Silly Pookie!

Uh oh, he got into the paper!

Pookie in front of the Christmas tree at the grandparents' house.

Family photo :) credit to Uncle Andrew

Another family photo. Credit again to Uncle Andrew.

This candle was lit for all of the deceased family members - including Charlie. It was wonderful and lovely to have a tangible representation in that house.

Once we got home, I was able to put up our own decorations! Because the Charlie tree already had a lot of meaningful ornaments on it, and we'd already had a lot of Christmas, I chose to make our tree simple: lots of bells, a few glass balls, some "icicle" ornaments, and beads and lights.

A few other decorations I put out.

The creche (nativity scene) was already up, but I added baby Jesus, moved the shepherd close, and put out the wise men! The wise men and their camel will get to the creche on January 6th, Epiphany (the festival of the three kings).
This year's picture with Santa. Pookie is snuggling like the pro he is!

Our finished house. The main ways we included Charlie in this scene are his tree in the corner, his stocking, and as always, his picture on the mantle and some memorabilia of his on top of the bookshelf on the right - though these are not Christmasy except that that is where I keep the picture with Santa, updated to the current year!


Yours,

Sarah

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Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss


Saturday, December 22, 2018

Designing a Church Website: Thoughts from a "younger" person

Designing a Church Website

Thoughts from a "younger" person


Who is this "younger" person?

I say "younger" because I'm no longer in my twenties... but I'm generally still within the age group that a lot of churches say they want to attract to their church. These are some thoughts and suggestions I have, based on my own experiences researching and visiting churches, as I looked for a congregation to be part of. My experience is largely based on Ohio churches in the ELCA Lutheran and Episcopal denominations of Christian, but the suggestions and thoughts apply more widely.

What am I looking for (and other visitors too)?

When I am looking for a church, I research using a church's website. So the things I look for right away are:
  • What denomination is this church?
  • When is its service(s)?
  • Where is it located? 
Really, that's it. Anything else you want to put on the website is great, but shouldn't be the first thing I see.

Other useful things to have easy to find:
  • Pastor/priest's name, and a bio is interesting
  • A welcome greeting to visitors
  • a "who we are" statement - NOT in churchy language! Needs to be easy for a non-churchgoer to figure out!

Also - make sure your Google Maps listing is up-to-date. You can make sure that the phone number, address, website, and "type" are correct (one church was listed as a "museum" which made it harder to find). You can also add office hours and service times. This is the first place many people check, especially if they are first-time or very sporadic visitors.

What purpose should your website serve?

This can be a pretty broad question, but as I implied above, a website is a great first-interaction. This means that visitors see the website as your "face" - it's how you're presenting yourself and your congregation. Yes, include activities and pictures and events, but make sure they aren't hiding the info a first-time visitor needs to see. A welcome message from the pastor/priest can be great. A basic statement on who you are and what your type of church believes can be really helpful. If you want to have a section for members, where there is info on events and sign-ups and schedules for volunteers, that's wonderful! Make it easy for them to find, but don't hide the info the first-time visitor needs. The more I have to search for info, the more likely that I'll give up and not even try to come to your church.

Don't assume that, in order to appeal to young people, your church has to have a certain type of music or worship. Just like any generation, young people have varied interests and needs. Simply be clear about what type of church you are, make it easy for me to figure out - and I'll find the church that fits me, rather than going to a church that isn't a good fit and being miserable.
 

How a church makes me feel welcome (or excluded)

One of the things I have found is that a lot of churches say they want young people to come, but they don't always act on that. By that I mean that many churches are very comfortable with how they have been for many decades. The act of including new people, fresh eyes, is by nature an act of change. Someone with fresh eyes might point out that something no longer makes sense, or comes across as hypocritical. Meeting those observations with an open dialog will create an environment where someone new feels welcome. Shutting down conversation will have the opposite effect. I love tradition - but a tradition with no purpose and no reason, especially if it comes across as hypocritical, may not actually be a tradition - it might be fossilization. Being willing to recognize that and be open to change can make a congregation really wonderful for a new person.

Additionally, many people my age have children. Make it clear what opportunities there are for children and how they are welcomed! They are the future of any church, and if they aren't welcome, their parents won't feel welcome either - and there goes the future. Have great programs for the kids in your church, set up safety protocols, create an environment where the children learn about what your church actually believes - and then gush to the visitors about it! We are excited to hear it - even if we don't have living children of our own yet. Many churches can also get really picky about children making sound during church. It's joyful noise and they are your future! But if your congregation isn't open to children who might make noise during service, make the information about your cry room or nursery easy to find, and clear to understand. Families that are comfortable with that style of church will find you, and those who don't feel comfortable with that and won't feel welcomed will know to find another church.

Singles are also interested in church sometimes. It is great to have activities at times of day that singles can participate (such as, not just Tuesday morning crochet group - That is a fine group to have, but excludes anyone who works. Think about evening and weekend times too. What about kid/stay-at-home-parent groups? Those could be during the day. Vary it! Change it up!). Make it easy to find information on activities, and who is welcome in each one, but don't push a visitor to join a group or especially to get on a committee. Pushing me to get on a committee makes me think you're desperate and don't care about me - only the labor I can provide. I had one pastor push hard for me to join a committee - the very first time we met! I shouldn't have had to blurt out "my son just died" for her to realize she was pushing too hard... Once I feel welcome, invite me to sit in on a group. Make it "no pressure". If I like you guys, I'm sure to become involved!

If you make an effort to care for God's kingdom/the earth, highlight it!!! It's great to see churches living out the word they preach by doing things such as recycling, using reusable dishes, banning Styrofoam and plastic (one place even gave plastic up for Lent as a whole congregation!), or even larger projects like solar, green roofs, bioswale drainage management, etc. This is important to a lot of people now, so surprise me with what you do! Try new things!

If you recognize visitors are there, it's also a great idea to announce whether or not they are welcome at communion, to point out how to sign up for notifications if you have them (see the next section), and to make sure that your service leaflet is clear (will they know which book to grab? Does your leaflet explain that? A "welcome to visitors" paragraph can be helpful.).

Once you have an idea of who you are as a congregation and how you want to approach visitors, it might be helpful to make sure the congregation all knows, too. We once visited a church where literally no one said hello to us. We may as well have been a part of the wall. Greet your visitors! Maybe consider having ambassadors, who will greet visitors, make sure they have a leaflet. Maybe sit with them? Offer them a tour of the church, and tell them about the church! In the churches where this was done, they ended up being wonderfully welcoming churches in many ways, so to us this indicates an overall attitude of openness to new people, which was great. Also, LISTEN to visitors if they tell you something isn't working! This happened to us once (their website wasn't mobile friendly, we mentioned it, and it was great by the next time we came!)  Especially if we get a chance to see it fixed, it really can raise our opinion of a church!

Show and talk about your vision for the church going forward. While tradition and history are essential, as a visitor who might be considering joining, the future of the church is where I'll end up, so that's important to me. This can be demonstrated in how you handle current events, where children fit in the congregations and the programs for them, community involvement, use of church building and grounds on days other than Sunday, etc. Running the church like it was 40 years ago can be very comfortable for the people who are already there, but it can make it very difficult to join in as a young person - especially a young single or a young childless couple - who might be very concerned with current issues, how the church reconciles theology/tradition with the here-and-now, and are looking for a place that can provide support to them and a home for them. Awareness of current topics, concerns, and technology, while being alert for hypocrisy or even heresy will make the church more accessible. Showing that decisions in the church are made with forethought, planning, and deliberation also shows that the congregation has an eye to the future.

How else can a church communicate with me?

Since we started out by talking about the website, let's get back to that. A website is your #1 place to put up announcements. If your services are combined one week and at a different time, put it on your website! If you have special services, like holiday services or memorial services that are open to the public, put that on your website too! Make it easy to find. A "calendar" page can actually be confusing. It's fine to have for members, but consider a list of events to make the info easy to find for non-members. Also, highlight how the church is active in the community doing God's work and living his message, not just what is offered within the congregation. This is a key piece for many people looking for a church - do you live what you preach? P.S. Make sure your site is mobile friendly! That is one of the frequent ways people will be accessing it, so it needs to be easy to read and navigate on a phone screen. Note: having to download documents to find information is cumbersome, and can even be truly impossible on a phone, so please have it all in html. Flash is also hard to manage on mobile.

If you want to keep repeat visitors informed, who aren't regulars, a great way is an email or texting service. Make it easy to sign up (put it in your bulletin or service leaflet! The pastor can even talk about it in the announcements if they notice new people). Send out updates anytime something is not standard!

If you send out weekly or monthly newsletters, that's awesome. You might consider having it as a separate signup than the "announcement" emails/texts, but maybe not. Make sure all the content is clear and easy to read, and is in the body of the email (clicking links or loading pdfs is clumsy, and many people won't do it because it's an extra step and doesn't function as well on mobile). This is a great way to communicate to all your members too, but remember to make sure you know who needs their copy mailed! Not all people - even "young" people - want everything digital. There are always some who are hard-copy people, and they should not be left out.

Facebook and other social media are nice, but not crucial. That said, having a basic Facebook business page, which is rather like a website, give you another place to list the basics: denomination, service times, location. It can make you easier to find. Posting updates here for particular services or time changes and announcements is easy, and it's a great place for occasional additional content like sermon excerpts, music, or pictures (make sure you have permission of all the people in the picture).

~~~

Thanks for listening! I'm about to start this whole process again, and I can guarantee I'll find many sites that look like they were built in the 90s and never updated, ones that are great for members but impossible to navigate for visitors, and some churches with no website at all - but I also anticipate that I'll find a handful that are great and that I'll learn even more great ideas from!


Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Links to posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them! Nothing else gets emailed.

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Adventure Pookie: Rochester NY

(Topic: Travel, Pookie adventures (weighted bear))

Hi Friends!

Recently (at the end of October) we went to Rochester NY. We met up with friends, explored, and had some work stuff too... Here are Pookie's adventures!!


Visiting friends can mean gearing up with a cup of tea, while in your comfy clothes! Actually, I'd been explaining Pookie to our friends, so I was showing them the decorations he came with (the peacock ribbon and the blue and green star buttons on his chest), and thus took off some of the clothes he'd been wearing.

DOWNTOWN ROCHESTER

Somehow, we hadn't realized that downtown Rochester has a gorgeous waterfall!!!


Me and Hubby. Pookie actually stayed in the car for this walk, which was a very chilly walk, actually. Beautiful day, though!


EASTMAN KODAK HOUSE AND MUSEUM


George Eastman's garden (of Kodak fame... We toured his home)

Above the stairwell/foyer

Stairs. According to the tour guide - who was great! - the three different types of columns in the stair banister represent 3 types of sailing ropes.

He had an organ that was like a player piano!!!


MUSEUM OF PLAY

The Museum of Play is like a combination of a children's museum where kids can play, and a toy museum for adults to peruse. I was also impressed at the museum's approach, helping adults understand the importance of play and its different forms. I highly recommend this museum.

Pookie is being SHINY!

Pookie deciding whether his snowsuit needs to be hung up in the coatroom

Giant kaleidoscope

This was so cool. A totally miniaturized grocery store!!! Kids are encouraged to come in, get a cart, shop for 5 items (including a deli and bakery section!!!), and then to check out (the scanner scans and beeps, the conveyor belt moves...), and then to become a stock clerk and put everything back!
Pookie preferred management.

Pookie also assured me the weather was fine!


Pookie put on a conductor vest but still decided to drive the engine. Silly bear!

There were a lot of virtual interaction exhibits too, including an etchasketch that did our portrait

In part of the upstairs, the roof was really neat and changed colors.


The exhibits included classic toys, modern toys, games, and here is the exhibit on RPGs.

There was a giant marble machine - With Pookie at the helm!

Pookie running the marble machine. The marble was the size of my head!

There was a mini house with mini furniture - just his size!


So cool, right??

This is where Pookie got the idea for his Halloween costume.

There was a craft station - Pookie wanted a magic want that was blue like him.

Whosoever sits by this sword and holds it is the rightful bear of all cuteness!

King Pookie

Still royalty.

Riding a storybook goose!

We found a bear family!!!! Pookie insisted on a snapshot with his distant cousins.


BUTTERFLY ROOM WITHIN MUSEUM OF PLAY





quail



























STEEL DINER IN FOYER OF MUSEUM OF PLAY


Pookie seeing if his magic wand will make the food appear....

... Voilá!

HIGHLAND PARK, LAMBERTON CONSERVATORY


Someone - possibly from the classes by the Eastman House Museum - practicing one of the historical methods of photography



They have quail and turtles, too, but they were redoing a section of the conservatory that day and the quail were penned up





Yours,

Sarah

To subscribe, find the "subscribe by email" note in the left column and enter your email there. Posts will be emailed directly to you whenever I post them!

Resource list: Visit my spreadsheet at www.tinyurl.com/infantloss